A Very Bratty Birthday
Charli invited me to party of the year. Here's what you missed.
What a whirlwind of a week it has been, once again! I hadn’t even been home 24 hours (mind you it took me that long just to get home from Turks and Caicos) when the Charli XCX slid into MY Instagram DMs. “Girl are you in la or ny right now ?” she wrote.
When I got the DM, I was in my car, and I had to pull over upon glancing at the notification, because OH MY GOD — you’re welcome, LA, for not putting you in danger by DMing while driving, I know that’s a lot more than many of you other drivers can say. Before I could open or reply, I was facetiming Tyra to solidify my plan of attack. Why could she possibly care where I am? Should I play it cool? “I just got back to LA!!!” I replied, exactly twelve minutes later.
Another fifteen past by, “I’m throwing a bday party on sat if u wanna come !” with a flier for August 3rd, 10pm-2am at none other than Tenants of The Trees, an infamous sceney Silver Lake spot known for racism and roofie allegations. Why was Charli having her birthday there? Honestly, even 8 days later, I still don’t know. Charli was playing it cool, but I simply couldn’t match her nonchalance anymore. With almost too little thinking, I shot back “Baeeeeee I’m clearing my fucking schedule downnnnn for this (drooling emoji) and happy early birthday mother!!! (two pink heart emojis) so excited to celebrate with you!” Cringe, but I was in!
The days leading up to, and the day of the party, you would have thought it was my birthday with the way my phone was blowing up. “Tenants Saturday? Do u have list?” “Can you get me into Charli’s?” “Hey baeeeeee, do u have a +1 for Sat?” I had tried to be very quiet about the fact that I had been invited to the party of the year, I was ready to go alone if that’s what it took. If it was my birthday, I wouldn’t want the entire town circulating information about my party. I prepared to quietly go, and announce to the world, after the fact, that I had gone. However, it was somehow known by all of LA that I had secured the coveted invite, and now everyone thought I was the bouncer that could lift the velvet rope for them.
Call me sheisty, or a gatekeeper, but it simply wasn’t my place to be organizing guest lists, or granting invites to people. I don’t know where people think I got that power from, and I need to clarify, I have no power, and I never have! I am not Charli, we only met last month. Nor am I Lori Howe, empress of Tenants of the Trees and resident “door bitch.” I personally find zero comfort, or welcomeness in attending the birthday party of someone I don’t know, or in attending anything I wasn’t personally invited to by the host!, but clearly, the majority of the crowd attracted to living in Los Angeles lacks that critical thinking in their social skills, and are just so hungry to be adjacent to fame, that those thoughts never cross their minds. Apologies for my harshness, but hello, I don’t even know Miss XCX like that!
Inside the party, it felt like any other night at Tenants. Same scene, same music, same down-ass-bitch (fun, go-with-the-flow) attitudes. Let me paint the picture for those who have never stepped foot inside: part indoor, part open courtyard, two bars, two dance floors, lots of nooks and crannies to tuck yourself into and host intimate conversations. Lots of seating to get your freak on. Everything is dark, but illuminated by pulsating, colorful lights. As you enter the venue, you walk through a mud-room-sized courtyard, into a cramped bar, and there’s a room to your right, with walls painted bright turquoise. They typically have some indie film, or cult classic projecting on the main wall of that room, and it usually doesn’t become occupied until after midnight when partygoers are more inebriated, and fun, and ready to drop it like it’s hot. Beyond the first bar at the entrance and beyond the dance floor room, you walk down a short hallway and enter the main club, which consists of a main room with a bar, dj booth and second dance-floor. This is where the videos were taken of Lorde and Charli live duet mouthing Girl, So Confusing. Off from there, theres bathrooms, and a smaller lounge space inside of a pseudo-greenhouse. Then you have the outdoor courtyard, with turquoise tiled benches, and trees, and fairy lights, very LA. On the web, it says their maximum capacity is only 350 people, but I have definitely been there when its busier. I couldn’t tell you the number of guests there that night for Charli, honestly, I don’t even think I could guess.
my footage of the iconic moment^ you can’t caption videos on here… darn Substack.
Every direction I turned, I encountered another corner of the Internet. Quen Blackwell was there, it was our first run-in since parting ways at JFK airport the week prior. Rachel Sennott was dancing her heart out with Molly Gordon. Esoteric it-couple, actor Owen Thiele and stylist Jared Ellner were together, and there. Sabrina Carpenter was in attendance, but dodged all photos. Outside, I peeped Glenn Powell, Rosalia, and Anya Taylor Joy. Addison Rae was bubbly as usual, and back in town after finishing her album abroad. Of course, Harrison (The Dare) was there, we chatted. Billie Eilish, Finneas, Claudia Sulewski, and Ava Capri were in their usual clique, throwing ass on the dance floor. It wasn’t until the next morning, reading DeuxMoi, that I realized Nelly Furtado, Gracie Abrams, and the Willis sisters were also in our company. While this isn’t that unusual for any average night at Tenants, you could certainly sense the star power in the room.
We danced for hours. We had charming conversations. Charli told me she was jealous of my recent holiday with Alex, and I told her that I was jealous of my friends who got to be in the “Guess” video. She gushed over my cameo in The Dare’s “Perfume,” but assured me, “Next one, babe! Don’t worry!” I won’t hold my breath, as we were both quite tipsy, but I think I’d make a great video girl for “Mean Girls,” or “Apple.”
That night, Tenants stayed open later than they ever do. All LA nightlife is supposed to shut down at 2AM, but brats break the law! There were afters at a house in the neighborhood, which Tyra and I opted out of, we’re certified sleepy girls™! Since this is the summer of ‘bumpin that’ (Charli endorses cocaine!) we saw the next morning that afterparty goers were out past sunrise. With tinges of FOMO, we told ourselves we accomplished what we had set out to do, and going to any afters would have pushed us past our limits.
So, what are my takeaways from the party of the year? If you weren’t invited, I’m sorry for your loss, but you didn’t miss too much. None of you are securing The Dare as your new man, not even me! If you feel like you did miss out, maybe ask yourself why you feel that way. Vogue called the videos of Charli lip-synching with Lorde and Billie, grammy worthy, I don’t know about that. They did, however, name drop me and that was fab! It was certainly a peak fun night at Tenants but it didn’t feel any different from others spent there. Maybe too many years spent in LA have normalized me to celebrity adjacence, but I also don’t put these people on a pedestal anymore. They’re humans who got dealt a luckier set of cards than others, but they’re no different than you and me.
They’re considered as “the elite,” but they go to the same places as us, and function similarly at parties. They drink the same liquor, and do the same drugs, often cut with the same toxic shit. They like the same music, and want to gossip about the same banal things. They really are just like us! Luckily, I do think Charli attracts a lovely breed of human. I can’t see her wasting her time around people with ugly egos or attitudes. Therefore, no one at the party acted like they were too good to be there, or too good to talk to you, which is unfortunately the norm for LA nightlife. So in that sense, I would say that’s what made this party was superior to others. It seemed like people were genuinely experiencing joy, and in a celebratory mood.
My biggest takeaway actually, was just how genuine, and kind, and loving Charli was. Yes, she invited me, I still don’t know why… but she didn’t have to chat with me, or dance, or hangout with me. Most celebrities I meet have heinous superiority complexes, not her. She went out of her way to make us (my friends and I) feel welcome. I’m well aware of my fan-girl nature and how fanatic I sound, but truly, her beauty shone inside and out. People tell you not to meet your idols, and I try to avoid idolizing anyone for my own sanity, but Charli is different. I have never met such a caring, or welcoming, famous person… at the height of their fame, with such a fun and free spirit and generous disposition, and I’ve met more famous people than what would be considered “normal.” While our relationship still evolves out of the parasocial, I will always be a fan of Charli. I am so excited by her dedication to her artistry, and proud that she’s finally receiving the flowers she deserves.
